before i sputter out

 

i’m so exhausted. i feel as though i’ve just travelled a very long way for nothing, and now have the journey back to deal with too.

voting tomorrow, finally. yeah, i’ve put it off until the last minute. i don’t want to vote. let us just decide i’m dictator for life from this moment on. start my own nation of one. no one else can join, i hate everyone right now. i’m a hideously disjointed monster of remorse for actions committed, or actions not commited. i don’t know sometimes whether i’m mad at myself or the world. lulz. i am the freaking world. so, both?

nah i’m not mad at anything really. i just hate feeling cornered like this. i want to feel like i have choice in my life. even the smallest things, like going to work tomorrow. i have no choice.

smh. it makes me laugh in the bitterest of ways.

thomas announced on facebook that everyone should vote hillary tomorrow. what you need to know is that thomas hates hillary clinton. that’s how much a lot of people hate trump. and then you have people voting for trump even though they hate him, because they think he is better than hillary at least. this is what this stupid place has come to. not voting for someone, but voting against someone worse. if i were just a bit more misanthropic, this would all make me cackle in glee. but i’m not, so it just makes me a bit sad.

as i was writing this, there were seven political ads in a row on tv. let it all end now, pls.

 

what it is and where it stops nobody knows

i read a book once, the dream merchant. it was about children who worked for a company that sold ideas through the dreams of humanity, going back through time. a beautiful, nice book, but such a dangerous idea. selling ideas to people. ideas are dangerous. people are imperfect and i think they are poor holders of ideas. i for one do not want to be the poster child of my own ideas, as i am imperfect. i would be a terrible spokesperson for positivity, for self-love, even though i try my damnedest to love myself and to be positive. that’s why we love to hate on celebrities and politicos. they are such poor representations of their own ideas. people are so fickle, flighty, epically ephemeral things.

like flames in the dark dark world, we are all so swayed by the winds of societal pressures and internal strife.

i’m just blathering away here really. it’s just that sort of day.

but really i just hate propaganda lately. it all comes back to my freaking twitter feed in the end.