a night in search of a day

my mom’s friend from work is raising 5 kittens whose mom was hit by a car. they are about 4 weeks old now. so like the good person my mom is, she offered to take two to foster. but after my mom’s friend took care of them for a couple of days, she decided she would be okay feeding them on her own. i was sort of disappointed. i love taking care of kittens. it’s hard because you have to feed them every few hours, but it is so rewarding to see them grow and thrive so quickly.

the packing process continues. my stepdad left for DC yesterday. he won’t be back to iowa most likely as a resident. it’s up to me and my mom to take care of everything. stressful..

my mom has a job interview on wednesday in virginia at a hospital. the downside of it is that it wouldn’t be a federal job and if she ever wanted to go back into the VA system she would have to jump through the same hoops that she had at the beginning. the upside is that it isn’t a VA hospital. a big no offence, but veterans have a tendency to be rather…demanding. there are a lot of vietnam war-age veterans who are totally bigoted: racist, sexist; drug & alcohol addicted. also, most importantly, they are often non-compliant with treatment. you would think they would take orders better. the vets aren’t all bad obviously, but often a bad impression can overwhelm a bunch of good ones. just like most people meet one good veteran and assume all of them are heroes deserving of the utmost regard. in reality, like every group, veterans are quite a mixed bag.

the current political situation in the US has me cynical and irritated. where i’m usually non-confrontational, i just want to yell at someone about it all.

my stepdad voted for trump, and i’m not even mad. i’m just deeply disappointed. i want to blame him and people like him: the rich, the sheltered. the self-serving, privileged, persecution-complex riddled few who doublethink things like love thy neighbour and deport all immigrants without mercy.

what the fuck kind of thoughts even go through their minds? ‘jesus loves, jesus saves, so i sure as hell don’t have to????!’

i get tired of trying to be the bigger person and forgive people when i don’t even follow an ideology that goes on and on about it. and it hurts, because i forgive others for things i would never let slide when it comes to me. it feels unfair of me.

obviously i’m not perfect, but at least i’m self-aware enough to see my flaws, where certain other people just seem to glide through life without a stress in the world about their actions or inactions. i sometimes believe that people should be constantly in a state of cognitive dissonance, they should be torn on what the right thing to do is, all the time. there should be no hard and fast rules to cheat your way through life on. life, as complex and multi-layered as it is, should not be simple, no matter how much we all wish it were sometimes.