fact isn’t what you see, not anymore

i keep cycling through being overjoyed & optimistic, and depressed, paranoid, and irritable.

i don’t know what is going on in my mind. i feel really frustrated and nervous and scared, but also happy, satisfied, and at peace. i don’t know how to describe it. my anxiety is killing me i think.

i haven’t really been eating much. i feel shaky and tired.

things are going better than expected. only time will tell how everything will turn out. for now, i’m going to continue the emotional rollercoaster that is my existence, and hope really hard that things turn out.

there’s a ten hour time difference between us, but me and nafees talk everyday pretty much, somehow. it’s like we’ve fallen back into the closeness we had when we were younger, easily. and it’s even easier now. we both have smart phones and can message each other instantly instead of using a glitchy poetry website to communicate. it’s nice.

it’s the fourth of july and i’m sick of listening to illegal fireworks going off to celebrate freedom. like, it is legal to buy them in the city but illegal to set them off. america makes sense so little sometimes. i’m off to bed ~~