i used to be online friends with this guy from pakistan. he was from the swat valley, and this was back in
2007-ish EDIT: 2010ish.
so anyway, i’m so great that i lose touch with my friend, caught up in my own garbage.
he left his town to live somewhere else I think, I went to my dad’s house for a few weeks, and never talked to him again. i just kind of let him slip out of my fingers. i’m a bad friend. i’m not dissing myself though, it’s just a fact. i find friends really exhausting sometimes. it’s like i don’t like me, so i am astounded and a bit afraid when other people do. plus a little suspicious. like, what are they planning? what is wrong with them?
so, the best way to quit worrying about someone far away is to simply pretend they don’t exist, totally. take it from me, i’m an expert on life. so i just kind of let him go.
but anyway, i remembered this guy’s name all these stupid years, and looked him up, and accidentally followed him on instagram, and now i feel really dumb. like, leave the past in the past. you are doing people no favors by inserting yourself into their online social circle. lol though, who cares though really. maybe he won’t even notice. right?
we were both into poetry and philosophy (it’s what the cool kids were doing), back in the day. i was also really into runescape circa 2007, but that was kind of a dark secret. this was me:
sooo i was actually around 14 then, so i was def precocious. i helped him with his english a bit, he taught me a lifelong lesson about the world being small, borders being trivial, and people being kind to one another, and then we quit talking.
i was going through an existential crisis at that point, per usual, so by the time we quit talking to each other, i was in a new, shaky place. he was muslim and i still pretended to be a semi-devoted christian to please the masses (it’s what the cool kids were doing). oh yeah, he was the muslim, yet i was the one practicing total taqiya. lololol that makes no sense for various technical reasons, but whatever, still HILARIOUS. religious humor is so wickedly funny to me. like dank christian memes or whatever.
i don’t know why i’m swimming in the past again. insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. i don’t know. memories of friendship are pleasant to pore over. like, if i did it once, i could probs do it again.
i just got off work and i have a headache, remembering things best left behind. it’s storming. the thunder, the only thing clapping at this day/week/year.