the last days of the semester are approaching fast. it’s 7:45AM
and now it’s after my first class, around 9. we are just doing our final presentations so i got out early.
i try to explain to my brain that it isn’t a reliable relayer of information. it doesn’t listen to me anymore. my thoughts aren’t my own anymore.
talking to people you don’t even agree with, on anything. bland, benign words. scribbling out first responding thoughts, voicing only lies. is it better to be kind or honest? can one be both? doubt it. but is lying really kind?
i’m split and undecided. the war continues, and both sides spill blood enough to bathe in. i don’t wanna fight. don’t wanna pick sides. we’ll all die anyway, all end up the same rotten relics of our ideals.
was asked about the syrian civil war. shoulders were shrugged. lol. i’m not a freaking expert on war. not a self-styled analyst, war prophet. war profit. besides, sometimes there are only bad choices. and on this, i don’t gotta choose.
can’t wait until westworld season 2 is on.
now it’s around 11:30. i’m doing poorly. skipping class. yet again.
i emailed my teacher, tried a little to explain my predicament. i asked if i should just drop the class and try again for another semester, or if my grade was still viable. this was supposed to be my last semester. my mom keeps bringing graduation up, saying we need to celebrate ’cause both my brother and i are supposed to graduate soon. it’s like a punch to the gut every time she says it.
i’m feeling rather trapped. ah well i’ll get out eventually.
now it’s around 7pm.
in good news, my older bro was offered a fulltime job higher up at the auction house he works at. i’m happy for him, though he lives so far away now what’s the use. plus he ignores my texts.
in sad news my aunt’s mother in law died. it was like she knew she was gonna die that day, she called everyone in her family and was found unresponsive in her chair, with a folder of funeral arrangements and the like on the table beside it. her husband was the one who found her, and tried cpr, and she had a flicker of a heartbeat when the ambulance arrived, but was pronounced dead by the time they reached the hospital. she was a really nice person, and so is her husband. it’s a shame life has to end the way it does.