i rely on the little things to get me by. conscience says “i’m ok”

i have a fever again, which i shouldn’t have because i just finished a round of antibiotics. i’m still angry and tense and sad at the same time. i don’t want to go to class tomorrow. i don’t know how to help myself.

i have a doctor appointment scheduled april 13. i don’t want to go. but i do at the same time, because nothing feels right..and maybe there’s a reason. i kind of doubt it, i’m an absurdist at heart. there are no reasons, for anything. or, alternatively, it’s ’cause i’m stupid.

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i tend to agree with homer on this one, these days. it’s the simplest answer, the one that makes the most sense.

YOU’RE JUST HAVING A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE, i tell myself in all caps. it’s that simple. no just or righteous reason, my brain just sucks.

i keep thinking about how i have to get up at 4:45 tomorrow and keep going until 3, and i wanna cry. i ache and i’m tired, but i don’t want to sleep. i keep starting things and giving up halfway through. like homework assignments, tv show episodes, life.

ok i’m done whining for now. worst entry ever.

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