you can never tell if your center stage is thin as glass, and never meant a thing

my mom had influenza last week, i didn’t get it luckily but i slept like garbage and so felt terrible anyway. and then i get stressed out ’cause i miss class over it and then my mind immediately thinks, fuck, i’m gonna fail this class. sooo it’s been a rollercoaster, and not of love.

world religion is funny, ’cause i just kind of repeat my “lol, i don’t know, don’t care if i know, i will live my life the same way anyway” and everyone else is so much more concrete, set in their dogmatic principles, and i just know that i don’t know. i gotta study tomorrow. we have a test tuesday, and i wanna start out the semester with a bang, a good kind of one. i need a win right now.

lol, when even my therapist is worried about me and texting me to check on me, it’s kind of serious i guess. i feel better than i did last week i suppose, but things are kind of slippery still.

i applied for graduation, which is neat. i am not going to the commencement thing, ’cause my dad won’t be there and he’s the only one i know who cares about all the pomp and circumstance of graduation ceremonies, so there’s no point. he’s gonna be in playa del carmen, probs stupid and happy and drunk. i hope so. he deserves a vacation, where he doesn’t have to worry. isn’t it kind of sad tho, that he needs one? i don’t ever remember him taking one either, unless to visit and pay homage to his parents.

i want a vacation, from life. just a light to no coma. a heavy sleep.

on that happy note….  .

 

 

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