when can we get together again? nevermind, i’ve lost you

me and lucy are hunkered down in the basement. the carpet is pulled out in half of it, from when it flooded last spring. it’s 4 in the morning.

as is becoming ritual, i woke up around 3:30, and went for a walk with lucy. my mom was on the couch, as she woke up around 2, so i came down here. i’m surrounded by san francisco giants memorabilia, so fitting on this freezing morning in iowa.

i have a plan for this morning. watch adventure time, then go to get ready for work. oh, and between those two things, feed lucy. she’s confused as to why we got up, if not to eat breakfast.

and now it’s 1pm, and i’m home from work. i ended up training someone in the CO, a woman named samantha. she is really nice. i was really tired and distracted, but she was a good sport and followed along with my shenanigans.

i don’t work tomorrow, which is great.

and we’re back again, where we began. it’s now 2:30 in the morning, and i am once again in the basement. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, but i toss and turn and seem to wake up every time i do. it’s been that way for the last couple of weeks.

to change the subject, i went tubing years ago, pulled by a boat, and i distinctly remember my legs flipping up really high, too high at one point. i swear my lower back made a cracking sound and it spasmed in a sharp way, and i was afraid to move my legs, so i gave my dad the thumbs down, so he’d stop the boat. then i did pull up the guts to move my legs, and i was fine.

but the point is, my back has cracked and spasmed for a long time since then, every once in a while. i don’t know if it’s that i’m walking around more, or that the chair at work in the CO is shit, but at night especially, when i first lay down, i have to be careful which way i move. and then it’s fine after a while. so i lie to myself every time and say that my back is fine, i don’t need to go to the doctor, lalalalala. ’cause most of the time, it is fine. but after some long reflection, i’ve decided to go to the doctor for once.

i also needed labs done ages ago, to check my stupid iron and vitamin d levels, ’cause i’ve been totally depleted of both in the past. so, in the coming weeks, i’m going to find the time and stupid whimsy to go to the doctor. whimsy. why choose that word?

for now i’m going to try to go back to sleep. it is now 2:45. i keep yawning, so i have hope.


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