nobody knows what to do with the heat. under sunshine pylons we’ll meet, while rain is falling like rhinestones from the sky

ha, i have 98 books on my “want to read” shelf on goodreads. i know that isn’t really a lot, as i’ve seen people who review books as a hobby who have hundreds of books they want to read. but i find my situation especially funny because despite having plenty of spare time to read, i have no plan to read any of the books on my “want to read” shelf. i recently bought a book for my kindle, realized it was the wrong book (screw series with books with similar/synonymous names), then bought the right book, then spent several months twiddling my thumbs as i ignored both books. i no longer identify as a reader, but i want to sooooooooo bad. 

my mom used to take my books away from me because i would stay up all night reading. we have this stupid anecdote of me slinking through the house looking for where she’d hidden my books, and finding one in the microwave. i love books, i love many of the books that i’ve read and truly always wanna love books, but i just find it hard to read new books. i think this is what it feels like to have a marriage built on love and trust and all that garbage people harp on about, fall apart for no apparent reason.

honestly, tho, i blame the internet/tech in general. it’s made me stupid. i’m in love with someone else, and it’s my laptop. i’m always joking that it’s my best friend and confidante, but there are no jokes.

it’s like video games, tho, too. i feel like if i tried harder to get into gaming, all up on the know-how, i would amass a stack of games of all kinds that i played once and gave up on. the last time i really played a game where it has a nostalgic quality to it because i became so familiar with it was freaking oblivion. that was a million years ago. haha i played oblivion on xbox, and i remember having this room filled with duplicates of armor and crap to sell, that i made using an exploitable glitch in the game. there were so many items stacked in the center of the room that the game lagged horrendously (occasionally freezing completely) whenever i accidentally went into said room. i played that game so much that eventually it was just me trying out all known ways to cheat. ah, and the days of halo 2, going through old mombasa on outskirts with my brother. ghosts, sniper alley, good times. we played that stupid level over and over, he was obsessed with it. naw, it was fun.

i just spent 15 minutes trying to take a stupid picture with rome. she doesn’t like being close to anyone but her mom and siblings. plus she wouldn’t look at the phone. she just glared at me or looked down. how did we get to have such shy cats?



i have this habit of calling all our cats stupid names. ari is ‘arison, or ari, my son. rome is romey dome-dome. ava is ava baby. georgie is always fuzz in my mind. javier is always javi, in a brooklyn accent. i give them these sweet little names, and this is how they repay me? with insolence/indifference? lol.

when i was younger we had cats that were super friendly, that loved to be held. and now, we have rome, glaring suspiciously.

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