i’ve seen america with no clothes on

I DON’T NEED FRIENDS.

I DoN’t NeEd FrIeNds.

i tell this to myself over and over, like a mantra. also, the word “love” keeps popping up in my head, and then i quickly retort you don’t love anybody.” it’s like i’m at war with myself and my emotions.

lol i tried to explain the origins of thanksgiving to admira the other day. she’s bosnian, plus lived in germany for a while after the war/genocide. i couldn’t really make any logical sense of the thanksgiving history myself, ha. so i just gave the usual “we celebrated with the native americans, and it became a tradition to give thanks for good harvest” crap. ha, i didn’t mention the whole racial underbelly of the matter. thought it might be kind of rude to bring up genocide to someone who knows people who died in a genocide. why does everything in history have some ugly side to it? can’t anything be wholesome and pure through and through? like me?

thanksgiving was spent in story city, at brent’s parent’s house. it was boring, i didn’t like the food (i’m so picky, i don’t even like turkey), but it went alright. i like brent’s family well enough, in small doses. it was just his parents, his sister, and one of his brothers. plus my little bro adam was there. he just left a while ago.

gah, one of brent’s nieces wants to go to south-east asia to spread christianity under the guise of teaching english. talk about a double whammy of neo-colonialism. lmao.

when she was in vietnam, her boyfriend flew out to propose to her. she said yes, naturally. she is younger than me. i bet there was a lot of pressure to say yes. like, how do you say no to someone who flew around 8,000 miles to see you? you don’t.

we brought lucy to the vet last week, and she is doing good! the vet said her hips looked good, her flexibility was good, and her teeth looked nice. yet she has cataracts, as she is 15 and diabetic. sooo she is doing as well (or better) than we could have thought. we brought her to the vet because for a few days she was having a hard time going up the stairs, acting confused about them. the vet thinks it might just be her sight; either that or she strained a muscle or something, and so the vet put her on a painkiller for a week. she is going up the stairs fine now, so we’re not as worried.

my mom is in minnesota, at my aunt’s house, making xmas wreaths. it’s a grand affair, taking place in the garage. only the women seem to ever participate these days. the guys are too cool or something. i’m almost too cool. this is the one i made a few years ago:

IMG_0586

lol it looks more springy than christmasy. it’s not too special. i usually make one, get sick of it, and go inside to listen to people talk to each other, and forage through the food.

mom is coming home later today hopefully.

i worked this morning at 6. i woke up at 4:30, and fed lucy, then got ready to go. i was in the CO, countin’ moneys. it’s a blast. actually, i like it. it used to stress me out, because i wasn’t quite sure what i was doing, and kept writing down numbers wrong. i had to go strictly by the notes, step-by-step. now i can do it all by memory. it feels rather good, being good at something for once. man, the deposit for black friday, along with the checks, was around 11,000 dollars. there was 4,500 in just 100$ bills.

oh, and i got 95% on my policy paper. i’ll take it.

lol, and on monday i have another paper due, in the same class. this one is supposed to be a party platform type essay, in which we describe our perfect political party. i’m going to make mine a half-joke, satire thing, i think. it’ll be fun. my usual theocratic dictatorship rubbish that i laugh about. she said it was okay if it was ironic, as long as it followed the rubric. imma start writing it today. exciting!

i can’t remember if i said this, but i was going to enter a creative writing contest, but decided not to, as if i won, i would have to read my piece aloud at some conference thing. ugh, no thanks. makes me kind of regretful already though. i just wrote something really personal, and don’t want to share it personally, out loud. deep down, i’m a shy, scared little introvert who doesn’t like to share with anyone i know or supposedly love.

 

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