all the motions of ordinary love

went on twitter a few minutes ago for the first time in months. people can be so witty, and use a few words to make me smile or frown, to affect me emotionally. the problem is, there are sooo many people. too many emotions.

i mostly followed self-styled journalists and geopolitical analysts. some of them try to be right and truthful. others are total shills for governments like iran, like russia, like saudi arabia, like turkey.  sometimes it’s hard to spot the difference between a shill’s opinion, or a fact. it get’s aggravating when i’m sitting here in iowa. i followed MENA conflicts, syria in particular. but armchair general is not an ideal hobby for someone as depressed as me. so i gave up on my interest in it.

a few minutes before i logged into twitter, i finished season 2 of stranger things. it was pretty good. i then cancelled my netflix membership once again, and my subscription is up on november 28.

i’m entering a creative writing contest. it was my lit professor’s idea. i have the three pieces i’m thinking i’m gonna submit, but i am hesitant. so i will probs ask my lit professor to read them, but then i’m like,  i don’t want ANYBODY who knows me to read what i wrote. the writing is related to depression. so i made myself have my mom read them, and she said they were good and that it was worth submitting them.

dang, there’s still this stupid thought tho, that my writing is shit and people are just humoring an untalented sack of shit. let’s face it, my mom is like a shill, for me. feels bad..

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