all this running around, trying to cover my shadow

i have a presentation about christina rossetti tomorrow. she was craazy. lol no. she just seemed… intense. she was very concerned with being a godly woman, and was very very VERY righteous and such. many of her poems were devotional. you could argue that all of them were, in a way. not that i’m judging. i don’t think she did anything really, truly bad in her entire life. i actually feel sad for her, ’cause despite seeming like a good person, she was unhappy for much of her life.

one of her poems struck me as interesting (called: no thank you, john). it’s basically a very firm rejection of a guy. it’s funny for its time. it’s all about how she just wants to be friends, and if he thinks she is so heartless and selfish for not loving him, why does he want her, and etc.

rossetti actually rejected three guys proposing marriage, that i know of, two of which were for religious reasons. one guy was agnostic, and the other was roman catholic, and she was anglo-catholic, whatever the hell that means. she def knew what she wanted, and didn’t want. gotta like that.

one of her brothers was a painter, and she modeled for him as mary, mother of jesus, in the painting ecce ancilla domini, also called the annunciation. it portays mary accepting the blessing/news of having the son of god from the archangel gabriel. ya probs know how that story ended. i actually really like it, though i’m pretty far away from being religious. i’m bad with art too, so all i know is i like the colors and i think it’s pretty. i also like how mary looks overwhelmed, like anyone would be, lol. most depictions portray her as serene and accepting and all that, but she was supposed to just be a person, and who the hell would be perfectly serene at news like that?

last night i had a dream that was somehow connected to the vietnam war. i was in some kind of bunker or some such, sorting through heavily redacted government documents. it made no sense. then the dream shifted and i was in nairobi, walking in circles around the city, looking for something intangible and unmentioned. i passed some sort of psych hospital, which was weird. the whole thing looked nothing like nairobi. it was strange.


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