i would kill to make you feel. i’d kill to move your face an inch.

the whole god flooding the world because they are bad thing reminds me of a mother psychotically drowning her children in a bathtub. people generally agree that’s a bad move, am i right? yet in a deity, it’s understandable? lulz, just something i thought about in class today. i’m not serious in the least, of course. about religion or anything, at the moment. i’m on a cloud, or rather, in one.

i wish i were good. i do good things and i do bad things and i am just an average being, i think. i wanna be a saint, tho. not a real saint. just a head-in-the-clouds, larger-than-life, indescribably ill-defined, saint. saint sarah, the vaguely benign.

the whole daca thing has me fuming.. i know a couple of people who are/were protected by it. they’re good. they work hard. they hold the same general values as any other decent human being, and they call this place home.

the world is an uncaring wasteland and people are cruel, petty, selfish things. they are ugly and misshapen at the core of their very self, and i sometimes get sad at night because i don’t believe there is a hell that the truly bad and unforgivable will ever call home. there is only justice in this world if the vaguely benign saints fight for it.

i laughed the other day, at the idea of someone so pious yet so selfish and uncaring that they would deny asylum to another. i imagined this hideous, pious creature, encountering hell at the end of their road. the bewilderment on their face, the confusion. perfection. then of course i felt bad for being so uncharitable myself. saint sarah, the spiteful misanthrope. womp, womp.

i shouldn’t aim for sainthood when i would truly make a great, classically hypocritical, vengeful god. SARAH THE SUPREME. the god-queen of des moines. lmao

ok, back to earthly matters. i am thinking about applying for a study abroad for spring semester, in london. mere thinking. i am not giving myself any unnecessary worry or hope by considering it as anything more than an unlikely hypothetical. i’ll talk to an advisor, dip my toes in the possibility, and go from there.

 

 

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