i put on my daily facade

chester bennington died a few days ago. really broke my heart.. i grew up listening to linkin park, and it helped me out. thinking that he helped so many people and touched so many lives, yet it didn’t help him in the end. i was listening to some of it, and every song now seems like a sign.

i woke up around 5:30 this morning and fed and walked lucy. she’s doing really well. decided to stay awake until work, which starts at 10. regretting it. so. tired. it is about 8:30 now.

i can’t wait for the next semester to start, but at the same time i’m an anxious mess about it. it is my second to last one. what if i mess up? what if i can’t take the pressure? it’s a delicate line, the line between too much and just the right amount of pressure. especially for me. i either am glorious with pressure, or i look down and become immobilized by the height of it..

there’s a book coming out soon that i’d like to read, so that’s good. i love it when i’m surprised by a continuation of a series when i thought it was done. tho honestly, i’m in the middle of a book now, and have yet to continue reading it. makes me feel bad, not finishing a book for no good reason. it’s not that it’s boring or bad, it’s just a bad time for it. it keeps happening tho. focusing is hard.

i’m having a hard time focusing on world of warcraft too. i just hit level 63, and i’m just struggling to keep my head in the game. i do a quest, then i quit playing for a while. rinse and repeat. so it’s taking me forever to advance.

lynn cut my hours, so i don’t work at all this coming week. instead i’m going to be going to ames with my mom to clean up tyler’s apartment, ’cause he’s moving out. ugh. not fair.

tyler flew to NYC for a job interview. he’ll be there until thursday, i think. i’m happy for him. chasing his dreams and whatnot.

i chase literal dreams. at night. i wake up, and immediately try falling back into the same dream. chasing a fantasy. usually my dreams are pretty weird, elaborate, dystopian bizarro worlds. when i wake up i often question if it was a dream or a nightmare. ok, that was kind of unrelated to anything. flight of ideas. :/

anyway, i wish the best for most people. today, even myself.



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