no map can direct how to ever make it home

realizing dreams are just a distraction from an inescapable reality. and reality is like a dream: a distraction from the thing that waits for us all at the end of this road.

all i do is escalate and de-escalate. i never really change my tune, just my volume in which i hoarsely sing this stupid song of mine. right now i’m screeching it out, practically screaming. it’s a forced smile of a melody.

tomorrow we’re going to ames to see my brothers and have a late mother’s day lunch. i didn’t want to go when i initially heard about it, but now i’m glad


i’m in a great mood right now. everything is possible: i started a new book. it is the fifth book in a series, and the last book came out around 2010.

I still remember being excited for that book, and now here we are, in 2017, reading the next book. I pre-ordered the kindle version, but adore how they redid the covers of the hard copies, so might order them all, though i already own all but this last one of the earlier designs.


the new designs of the books

it’s crazy thinking the first book, the thief, came out in 1996, when i was three. I don’t really know how old i was when i first read it, but i loved it. it had a twist, it surprised me when i first read it. i thought it was one story, but in the end it was something completely different.

i read the thief so many times that it fell apart. and when i especially love a book, i will read as much of it as possible out loud. and i read that whole freaking book out loud, it seems.

this book is about a slave named kamet. it is so interesting, his perspective on life. he would choose power over freedom any day. he is perfectly happy, or convinces himself he is, being a choiceless cog in a machine, as long as he is a comfortable cog. so, same as most people. but the more i read, the more i realize he is deluding himself. so, same as most people.

kamet was a minor character in the second book, the queen of attolia, and i’m so happy to learn more about his life, just in time for it all to come crashing down. lol, it’s so silly, wanting to learn more about a fictional character, but there you go.

AH AND I DON’T YET KNOW WHO THE OTHER CHARACTER IN THE BOOK IS. he gives his name, but kamet is so convinced of his own superiority, he doesn’t even acknowledge the name in his narration. and i bet this character is someone i already know. Turner, the author, is great at writing an untrustworthy narrator.

they are such beautiful books, and though i am not even halfway through this book, i am loving every moment. i might even review it on goodreads, which is something i have never done before. i just give ratings, for my own records, ha. but for once i want to fangirlingly gush away to the author, and hope she sees and smiles, as she made me smile since i was a child.


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