cut the emotion out like necrotic flesh.
feel the fatigue hovering in the peripheral, yawn forming.
i’m terrified of dying really, yet i fear my fear of life outweighs my fear of death sometimes. short as it may be, life has a way of dragging on yet death in my eyes is a single event.
yesterday we talked about social institutions, like religion, government bodies and such. i didn’t know people trust atheists so little tho. like, am i really untrustworthy as a leader?? yeah, probs. I HAVE NO MORAL COMPASS. lol. i think it is because people are stupid. me included. that’s why we cannot trust. we’re all wrapped up in our own stupidity.
seriously tho, my moral compass is freaking weird. i remember being a child and saving little bugs from my grandma’s pool, getting stung by a wasp and just letting it go, et cetera. life was a precious thing to me, i learned that early on. even the smallest life form, had a meaning to me.
i was a dreamy, stupid child, terrified of the big bad world early on. i felt the need to protect the underdogs of the world. i think it’s because the smallness and fragility of life echoed my own feelings about my own little life.
i still have that sort of complex, but it has died down because it is too painful at times. the more i learn, the more i learn that the world is too vast to know completely. people say the world is getting smaller, but to me it is just epically huge, and i cannot fathom its depths at times. like all times.