i won’t lie and tell you it’s alright

i didn’t take my meds yesterday ’cause i ran out. woke up like the dead does this morning. worked, then came home and did the rest of my homework. i’ve got the usual existential dread thing going on today. i just want to quit my job.

brent applied for a job in london. praise be, lol. if we moved to london i would cry with stress/joy. i think that’s called eustress. ha, i don’t wanna move too far away yet, but if i did move farther away, i might as well commit and choose another continent. despite the fact that my only london experience was of freaking heathrow in the middle of the night and a stale-cigarette-smelling hotel room, i always had a stupid anglophilia streak. doctor who, sherlock, broadchurch, winston churchill facts, luther, bloody TEA.

I remember wanting to go to oxford when i was young and having both sides of my family’s grandmothers telling me that I would never go to oxford. guess who’s birthday it is today? one of those grandmothers. guess who isn’t calling her out of a till-death grudge? MEEEE.

and it’s not just because of that. there’s more. SO MUCH MORE. but i hate going over that with people. the line between “tough love” and abuse is pretty thin and often crossed. crossed by my grandmother too many times. i will probably feel bad when she dies and i haven’t called for months. i’m rotten to the core, i swear. but sometimes people reap what they sow. and my grandma sows freaking salt.

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