however far away

oh, nameless, it’s like death. i cannot even fathom how far away you are from everything i am and will ever be.

it’s like that dream i always have just when i think i’ve let go of it all. the snow, the party, looking for you. i don’t think i’ll ever find you in my lifetime.

i’m a bit broken up about it, and i doubt i’ll ever be the same without you. i don’t know if i believe in that whole one true love bullshit (well ok obv i don’t believe in it) but i wish so many things were true it is hard sometimes to come to grips with the person and place i wanna be and where i am and who i am now. i feel like i’m clawing my way there, to that place and that person. but it’s hard.

and what if, in the end, it doesn’t add up to what i thought it would be? what if you aren’t that person i thought you were? what if that person i want to be isn’t a happy person either?

what if that place i want does not even exist?

shrugs

oh wells. it wasn’t unexpected.

i just thought about that story about iphis and anaxerete, so sad. you’d be stone, seeing me dead, lol. not that funny tho. not funny.

‘you have conquered, and i die gladly: now, heart of steel, rejoice!’

naw, you do not hate me. the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

 

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