she’s bound to run amok

today is my first sociology class. i’m going to go to dmacc early to get my book, and then i’m going to go to class! yay.

my hopes for this class are to learn more about sociology, naturally, and maybe make a friend or two. and keep my mouth shut, lol. i want to participate, but not too much. i don’t wanna get into stupid arguments with stupid people. i’ve never been that interested in selling my ideas to other people. it’s an uphill road, it’s a battle.

the whole friend thing isn’t a must. i just want to add a couple of people on facebook or something small. I need validation so bad right now. i’m soooo fucking needy.

of course i want to do well in the course, too. that is a given. and i want the teacher to like me, want everyone to like me, like the stupid desperate child i am. i just want some reality to counteract the negative thoughts that crop up every day, like no one likes you, no one cares, everyone hates you, etc. the thoughts just escalate, as you can see. it’s annoying and constant. it’s getting better tho. it used to be so much worse. now really the major time for it is at night when i have the fewest distractions, and my mind wants to refuse sleep.

i don’t work until thursday, so this week i’m just going to focus on class in my worrying, lol.

i wrote an email to my professor to introduce myself, as suggested by her, and i hope it is appropriate and well thought-out.

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