the reason you feel sick inside

i’m out of my mind bored… i seriously am a mindless consumer. don’t wanna go downtown ’cause i don’t want to buy anything and what’s the point of doing anything if you aren’t purchasing anything, amiright???

naw tho, i’m just kind of tired and trying not to take a nap and i’m sick of only fucking hanging out with my mom and step dad. they argued last night about who was worse out of the two candidates, lulz. so fucking irritating.

took a ritalin because i’m an idiot junkie who likes slightly altering my mental state. just augmenting the state of focus, lol. honestly tho i’m nervous about going back on adderall. i keep trying to talk myself out of it, like it’s a bad idea. but hey, i can quit it at any time if it makes me sick or too anxious or whatever. plus the doc seems to think it’s a good idea to at least try it, so there.

this xmas we are going to fucking cancun. kind of a tourist trap, kind of a stupid destination, not one i would have chosen. i probs sound like a loser for saying that. it just seems so resort-y.

but hey, it will be cool if we could tour some ruins or something. see the ocean. drink some non-alcoholic beverages by it. maybe i’ll even relax enough to get back into reading. maybe the wifi will be decent. maybe there will be tons of awesome photo ops. meh. the idea of going is slowly growing on me.

 

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