night descends and i descend. everything just comes into focus as it gets darker and darker. i’m just not feeling good about anything. i can feel the winter coming on too, the fall. and i hate it. i don’t know how to explain; i suppose i feel truly worried and this horrible overwhelming anxiety for the entire world, my entire world, when the winter comes. like it will never be warm again.. when i was younger i ran away from home for about a week, in fall. it was soooooo hard to get warm at night, i finally found a homeless shelter downtown. I remember thinking to myself, that i was going to be cold forever. funny how life is. not even a month later, i got my current job, and went to kenya that december. i felt the same on the flight to brussels, that i would never be warm again. that loss of hope is tragic sometimes. i feel like i will never be warm again, right now. i will be cold forever.