i’ve killed my world and i’ve killed my time

we went to okoboji all last week. i felt like the usual awkward third wheel at a lot of moments. purchased a few brass animals: four little ducks, two deer, a rabbit, and two cats. they’re all pretty small. my mom bought me a brass camel that has the most slender of legs, it’s beautiful. all in all i had a good time. even seeing my aunt didn’t phase me too bad. back at work this week, but only 7am to ll, instead of the usual 12, which is because they’ve cut payroll. yet they keep hiring more people. doesn’t make any sense. my mom wants me to take two classes this next semester. i’m toying with the idea. it would be business law on mondays and wednesdays, and anthropology on tuesdays. again, i’m considering it. but i have the feeling that if i try to say no my mother will guilt me into taking them. i just don’t know if i’m ready. plus i would be backing off work then a bit, and making even less money. lol, my career, it’s important. i don’t know. i’ll wait to talk to kim. the first class doesn’t start until the 24th of august, the second the next day, so i have some time to think it over. i wanted to visit my dad’s this summer but it’s not looking like it’s gonna happen. he works all the time now and i feel like i have no place there. it makes me really sad. i miss so many things in life. even shit i’ve never really had. it’s like nameless. fuck, sarah, you don’t even know the person you miss. what exactly do you miss? i think it’s just the feeling. the feeling of novelty. like wow, i’ve never met one of you before in the wild. i’ve met a couple people like that. larger than life kind of people. people that you just can’t place your finger on, just cannot quite define. ooh watched war games for the very first time the other day. funny movie. i already pretty much knew the whole plot, but it was great. lol ‘the only winning move is not to play’. so much like life and global thermonuclear war, haha.

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