and i’ll miss you like you’re dead, but i never got to grieve you

it’s not that i’m not excited to see julianne, but i’m nervous as well. what if she doesn’t like me as i am now? what if we just don’t click like we used to when we were younger? what if her kids don’t like me? i’m just anxious about it. i haven’t seen her in so long it’s like meeting a new person. her mother has borderline personality disorder, as does her sister. so they’re pretty mean-hearted, manipulative people. julianne is a world apart from them. she has always been kind and caring, and makes an amazing mother, spending most of her time and energy with her kids. her and her husband are both great, hardworking people. and her kids seem like they are growing up so fast, so well. it just amazes me, how someone could come so far, out of such a hard background. and i think it is because of staying with us, having my mom, that she was able to find her feet and tackle the world as she has. i’m so proud of her. as i said to my mom, i think she has turned out better than me. caring and responsible, helpful and sweet. i’m almost jealous, but not quite. she is too awesome to think bad thoughts about. i love her so much. now that i’ve thought about it more, i’m more excited than worried to see her.

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