it’s the glare from the reflection making patterns in your eyes

got an a- in the class. happy about that. it was a b+ but the professor said i was a great student to have and bumped it up. i got two wrong on the final. i’m happy with that. i’m not happy in general though. why do i always want what i cannot have or do not deserve? is this the human condition? to just be miserable for stupid fucking reasons. to agonize over past tragedies and not-so-tragedies. to feel so inadequate and scared. i feel like everyone is just passing me by. i’m so afraid to be left alone. but i’m already there. my mom told me i have so much to live for. that if only i could see what everyone else sees. what everyone else? my therapist? to everyone else i’m sarah the screw-up. the fucking damaged one. broken. i’m so glad i ditched my friends. i was nothing but a burden and a downer to them. none of them even tried to contact me after. it just goes to show i did them a favour. ugh i’m just tired. none of this means anything. nothing means anything.

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