only happy when it rains

i don’t want anything today. everything seems broken and filthy and rotting today. i work tomorrow. put on my friendly mask and make the strangers smile. i fell apart in my shrink appt. talked about the suicidal thoughts. my family is the only thing holding me back. but i’m so alone, even with them. sometimes people have no present reason to be unhappy. sometimes they just are. sometimes that’s all there is. it obliterates everything else until that is all there is. i’m the only person in this place.

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